"On purpose, with deep profound intention, I consciously let go of everything that does not “fit”, I actively let go of all that does not “serve” me or my highest good, no matter how confronting, no matter how intimating, no matter how impossible.
With incredible ease, I deliciously inspire myself to co-cultivate, forge and integrate a indescribable, unlearnt, unknown knowingness, from inside-out, daring to deliberately be-come different versions of "me", from different higher/deeper unknown "signature feelings" of me, in my authenticity of my mastered version of Peace as my truth."
Daniel Wurf - Peace Architect.
Peace Architecture is one of my many vehicles, my many road maps, my many blue prints I travelled to explore and recognise the splendour of "my" life that effortlessly forged my unique "story" of "My" Truth, of "My" Life, for "Me".
Paedophiles Gerald Ridsdale & George Pell, shaped the person whom I have be-come and continue to be-come and be-come and be-come.
Many years ago, I had no idea how these traumatic and catastrophic childhood experiences would rip my life apart. I carved and diced my limited and naive understanding about life to such a degree that suicide was always the most favourable outcome.
Even in those dark, dark spirals of incredible pain, betrayal, shame, not belonging, believing I was a piece-of-trash, loneliness, drunkenness, depression, isolation, psychosis, anxiety, being destitute, feeling unloved, unwanted, aggression and guilt, I knew suicide was not my answer.
I "somehow" "unknowingly" knew I really wanted to explore every possible avenue to experience my life in a real way that mattered to me and me alone. I wanted to feel "alive", really explosively "alive".
This "somehow" "unknowingness" is a feeling, not a "mindset", it is not cognitive, for the life of me, I could not "think" my way into it..... This "feeling" was/is way, way beyond "thinking"....... Encouraging myself to go "mad" helped.
My "story" that I felt, that I unconsciously, yet shamelessly did not know that I was distracted by, was me purposefully buying into my intentional distraction of societal conditioning, feeling as if I needed to prove something, feeling as if I needed status or privilege, feeling as if I needed to attend university, feeling as if I needed to judge, feeling as if I had to succeed "no matter what", feeling as if I needed to have power/control over another, feeling as if I needed to live a lie to "fit in", feeling as if I needed to be opinion-fuelled.
My "story" had/has its purpose, the incredible profound purpose, the growth that my "story" delivered me was/is "beyond description" & "beyond consciousness".
I deliberately chose not to participate in "my" "madness" of societal conditioning, of the outside chaos the world appears to be gripped by, instead I forged my unique path.
I forcefully chose to strip my life bare, to unravel the depths, the impacts, the inter-connectedness, the relationships of "my" "madness" of societal conditioning & my perception of chaos, till I agonisingly faced my life head on, with full force.
"Somehow" I knew for me to thrive as my unique version as "my" truth, I needed/chose to change everything, I chose to "flip" everything over and dive deeper and deeper into my own consciousness, weeding out, admitting to vulnerabilities, into my own horrific struggles and challenges, into my states of chronic depression and suicide to really discover what was there, what was beneath it all. I could not lie to myself, I had to face me, the "real" me head on and be brutally honest and frank with myself about myself for the first time in my life.
I freely chose to learn how to manipulate my "once" rigid steadfast headstrong perspective into a highly flexible and agile multi-dimensional perspective with the ability to radically twist, switch, shift, change and adapt instantly.
I was not taught to do any of this, to walk this way, to learn this way, to live this way, to behave this way, I did not learn this from books, I did not listen to the inspirational motivators of the world to understand what their secrets and tools were/are. I have not sat with masters of spiritualism and the like nor was this born from the curiosity of science.
This "way", this "vehicle", this "blue print" was born from nothing, born from absolute stillness, outside consciousness, and came into being, by me living my "story", my living life, walking boldly/unknowingly/knowingly in the same direction, at the same pace, as society, from the inside-out.
The alternative for me was to take my life, tried that many times, did not succeed.
Sexually abuse as a child for 9 years, so many unanswered questions, so much shame, so angry, so disappointed, unable to belong, unable to be part of living, so "crushed", so "destroyed", so many tears.
I am proud how I SHIFTED my "story" onward into/onto my continuing living life, one fraction of step at a time, simply, profoundly, purposefully, intentionally, authentically.
As hard as it may be to understand, Ridsdale, Pell, the Catholic Church, my childhood sexual abuse and many other catastrophic & terrifying life events/situations were/are my greatest catalysts of profound change.
Peace Architecture is one of many vehicles, road maps, blue prints I travelled to explore, feel, experience the splendour of "my" life that effortlessly forged my unique "story" of "My" Truth, for "My" Life, for "Me".
To live the life that I have lived so far again, I would be here in a heart beat.
Impossible, oh yes, once, but not Now!!!
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